Feeling NERVOUS! Am I ready for a relationship? | Laci Green

Ohai email!

I?m in my first ever relationship and I didn?t want it to be some fling, I wanted it to be a kinda trial so to say?like my first adventure into my sexuality, I?m not looking for sex or anything just a close relationship?but I?m finding it really scary.

I?m nervous whenever I think about the relationship and I don?t know if I?m pushing it too far or not enough and?I don?t know how to ask and I?m just bumbling and stumbling and I?m beginning to think maybe I?m really not ready for this?But I?m wondering, how do I know I?m ready for a relationship? How do I get the facts? No one tells me how they ask a guy/girl out and I just don?t really understand how they?re so comfortable with themselves and their boyfriend/girlfriend. Plus if I?m not comfortable how do I tell her I can?t continue the relationship?

Oh gawsh. When I was in 8th grade I had finally mustered up the courage to pursue someone I was really interested in. We flirted a lot, talked online all the time, and all the people around us were pairing up. I wanted to hug them and hold their hand. I wanted to hang out after school. I wanted a relationship. I felt really pressured to ?do it right?, and that caused me a lot of anxiety.

Looking back at that relationship, my very first, I realize that there is no ?doing it right?. There was no way around my bumbling and stumbling, there is no way around the initial discomfort. These ?growing pains? are all a part of entering new territory and figuring this relationship stuff out.

You will know you are ready to start dating when (1) you?re thinking about it in a thoughtful way (seems like you are), (2) when you have interest in it, and (3) when you can handle some discomfort as you figure things out. Be ready for awkward moments?they will happen! But also be ready to learn more about your gf and to develop a new kind of bond with someone you haven?t had before. Healthy relationships can make you feel comfortable, safe, happy, loved, and even euphoric sometimes.

About your nerves:
Nerves are a fact of attraction. It?s all that adrenaline pumping through you. When you feel really nervous, just take a deep breath and go to a happy place in your head. Remind yourself that it?s normal to be nervous. As weird as it sounds, try to be okay with your nervousness. In my experience, it never really subsides. I still get nervous in romantic settings and I?ve had a lot of relationships at this point. On the flip side, at a certain point (a point only you can discern) extreme nervousness may be a signal that you?re not ready. The balance is something you will have to decide based on how you feel.

About getting the facts:
You?re probably having trouble finding the facts about relationships because the ?facts? vary from person to person. Navigating relationships is more about experiences and reflecting on those experiences to figure out what works and what doesn?t. It?s also about knowing yourself. Both of these take time, practice, and self-awareness. If you need help with relationships, try asking someone with more experience whom you can trust. Maybe an older brother/sister, mom/dad, an older friend, cousin?.a blogger you trust ;D?..etc.

About feeling comfortable asking people out:
The only things that ever made me more comfortable asking people out was (1) to not take it so seriously and (2) to be confident in my awesomeness. First, I had to acknowledge that sometimes people just won?t be interested in you ? and it isn?t anything personal. It doesn?t say a single anything about how cool I am. Other times, they will be interested, and that?s nice ? but it doesn?t necessarily mean things will work out between us?or that I will even be interested a few months down the road. It?s one big process, so take it in stride, and take it easy on yourself to minimize the bumps. As to the confidence thing, this is complex, but in short: look at everything that makes you awesome, then live/eat/sleep/breathe it. Remind yourself everyday and do things that make you feel good about yourself.

About not being ready:
If you decide you?re not ready to be in this relationship, talk to your partner about how you?re feeling. If you trust them and connect with them, try to be as honest as you can. Tell them you still like them so they don?t feel hurt, but also tell them what you want to happen and open the conversation so they can tell you how they feel about it. This conversation might seem difficult, but it?s important and you?ll feel better afterward. You could say something along the lines of: ?I really enjoy being your boyfriend, but I am not sure I?m ready for it yet. I still want to hang out and see you and everything because I think you?re awesome, but I also need some time to think about it. I know it might sound weird, but that?s the way I feel. What do you think??

I hope this gives you something to think about. I know that the dating world can be intimidating, no matter what your age or level of experience. Don?t let it get to ya! Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to take a deep breath?

and jump. :)

Source: http://lacigreen.tv/sexplus/relationships/3428-nervous

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